i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
