I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
