I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
