Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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