after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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