I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You may now shotgun with the bride
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
