Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
