oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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