i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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