I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
