Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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