that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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