It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Im part way to drunk.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
