that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
