Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
