Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
