I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
