Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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