did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
