Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
