Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
