you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
