Christians are straight up FREAKS
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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