Duck Duck Cougar?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
