how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
