I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
