I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Blood and glitter go together right?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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