Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
