I cockslap morals
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
