I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
