you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
