I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
