I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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