so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
