I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You are the jesus of drinking
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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