I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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