Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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