You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
