what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
