I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
