Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
