Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I want a musical about memes.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
