you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
