I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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