I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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