No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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