oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
