it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I want to make a zoo with you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
