we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
