you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
