Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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