New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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