in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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