I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
