My room smells like vodka and shame
Pants 0. Shit 1.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
