I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
God, I missed his penis.
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