please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
